“Revealing yourself to yourself is the first best step towards connection with others.”
~ Jim Sebastian Sharman
Written above the entrance to the Delphic Oracle in Ancient Greece was the phrase “γνῶθι σεαυτόν”, meaning, “Know thyself”.
It served as a reminder that, no matter what else is revealed by the Oracle, it is vitally important to understand what is happening inside you too.
That depth of connection opens up authenticity, presence and honesty with others – once you’ve cracked it in yourself!
Often, the best mirror you can have is yourself, so take a good look inward and learn to love and accept what you see. No, you might not always like all that you see. But here’s the best bit – yes, you can change it.
What’s more, you can also learn to love the process of change itself, which is another way to connect. That in itself creates connection with others as they witness your journey. As you change, they witness your change and can share in its joy.
When you have learnt effective ways to connect better with yourself, it becomes easier to accept yourself – all of you – which in itself helps create the safe spaces needed to admit some of the things we might not like about ourselves. And from that safe space comes growth.
And, as we grow, our strengths work more in our favour, and our positive changes become more visible – and the investment in connecting more deeply with ourselves starts to pay off, as our connections with others deepen.
Back, then, to establishing a deeper connection with yourself – the art of looking inwardly – the skill of seeing yourself as you truly are, then shifting to a truer version of yourself that you want.
Truth then. What is “truth” to you?
There’s an interesting debate to be had about the difference between ‘truth’ and ’perception’ of it – and we’re not always aware of that difference. Our own truth is something we don’t always own either, what with things like denial, or ego, or self-delusion coming into play.
Once you strip all that away, what’s left are the facts – and the truth held within them. Doing the work needed to get there can feel painful, it can be tough, yet it can also, ultimately, be hugely rewarding, enriching and empowering.
Truth involves being totally honest with one’s feelings and holding one’s values dearly and clearly, not betraying them, what we often say as “being true to oneself”. If you are lying to yourself about something, others might see what you are denying.
Then how on earth can you expect anyone else to trust you if you lie to yourself?
One way to establish a new, deeper connection with oneself is through mirror work and positive affirmations, a technique popularised by Lousie Hay, and one I’ve used often over the years. If you’ve not tried it, here’s an invitation via a quick beginner’s version*:
- Find a comfortable, safe, and private space where there is a mirror.
2. Look into your own eyes calmly and openly.
3. Say aloud a positive statement, e.g.“I am enough.” or “I value myself.”
4. Stay present. Ensure the strongest voice in your head is the positive one.
5. Play around with your affirmations, no matter how trivial or outlandish they seem.
6. Create different topics, tailoring them to a specific topic or challenge that day.
7. Make it a regular practice. Start with 5 minutes a day for a week. Increase over time.
8. After each session, feel into how you responded to the exercise. Maybe keep a journal.
9. Review your progress regularly.
10. Be patient and kind to yourself. If you feel the affirmation isn’t working, change it.
11. Be grateful to yourself! This is a part many forget to do. Gratitude fuels connection.
It’s perfectly normal, by the way, to “feel a bit weird” doing it. Remember, though – literally nobody else other than you is watching! This is your time, your space, your connection, your growth. And, once you’ve embraced the positive things you’ve said, others will notice it.
No matter how turbulent that journey feels at first, it will settle down afterwards as you learn both what you can keep and what needs to change – and that takes you closer towards becoming the best possible version of you.
What do you see in the mirror? Which parts of yourself can you best connect with? Are you willing to go deeper and make friends with the parts you don’t? Will you connect with, learn from, and then work on changing those? What will others see in you then…?
