“You don’t know what you don’t know until you know it!”

~ Jim Sebastian Sharman

I have spent a great deal of my career in the space of not knowing something…or at least – let me qualify – where either I or my clients are demonstrating a capability in something, but not necessarily being fully and consciously aware that we are doing it. Then there’s the other space, where we are doing something but not very well because we either don’t know how to or thought we did, but it turns out we didn’t. For me, that’s pretty much any time I attempt DIY!

Another space in which I have spent a lot of time through coaching is when a client doesn’t even realise what it is that they want to learn how to do. Perhaps they thought they wanted to achieve one thing, but it later turns out (through coaching) that they really want to achieve another. A lot of this space contains reactions along the lines of, “Oh! I didn’t even know that I didn’t know that!” So, we’ll discuss here the concept of how we get to the point where we do know it.

When it comes to learning, there are four principle stages that I follow. We’ll go through them now with a quick advisory caveat: Do not get really hung up on the word “incompetence”!

It simply means “an inability to do something” and should in no way be taken as (or feel like) a personal judgement. Inability is not the same thing as unwillingness or carelessness.

So, those four stages:

Unconscious Incompetence: we don’t know what we don’t know
Conscious Incompetence: we discover what we didn’t know
Conscious Competence: with full awareness, we learn and practise what we know
Unconscious Competence: without full awareness, we practise what we know

The usual example I give is that of learning to drive a car. At Stage 1, imagine being a child, going on a day trip in the car with family. To you, the car is just a tin can on wheels that takes us from A to B. We don’t know exactly how the driver makes the car work. We don’t know what we don’t know (yet!)

Then, as we get older and realise there’s a lot more to it than that, we reach Stage 2 – taking our first driving lessons. We learn about braking, steering, accelerating, etc. We understand torque, clutch control, the need to judge speed and distance, etc. Over the course of these lessons, we start to know how much we didn’t know – and that can be a very challenging space to be in.

However, after enough lessons, our instructor has opened our eyes to what we’re learning – and then we arrive at Stage 3. We’re using the mirrors correctly, we signal and manoeuvre properly, we change gear without crunching or jerking, we execute perfect three-point-turns, even the emergency braking test is flawlessly performed, without stalling the engine. Oh, and we know all our road-signs like a song!

We’re ‘good drivers’, possessing and practising enough awareness and know-how to follow all the rules of the road and to pass the test. We know what we know. And we apply it well.

Then Stage 4 comes. Years later, we’re driving to work, worrying about a meeting, dreaming about a holiday, or last night’s amazing date. Our eyes, hands, and feet are operating almost on autopilot. We’re navigating traffic jams, pedestrian crossings, trams, bicycles, etc. We arrive at work… and then realise…we didn’t realise how! It’s like we’ve forgotten what we know but can still do it anyway.

That also can be a very challenging (and sometimes dangerous) place to be in – because, after that, when situations change, we could find ourselves returning to Stage 1 – we again don’t know what we don’t know.

When a bad habit kicks in, it becomes a blind spot until we progress through Stages 2 and 3 again. These blind spots prevent us from furthering our knowledge and can also result in mistakes we wouldn’t normally make, certainly not when in conscious learning space! Awareness is then a great space to be in because that’s where our best learning happens. We might even go so far as to say that when in Stages 1 and 4, no learning is really taking place. At times, we need some help revealing our blind spots. Anyone up for advanced driving lessons?

Learning is a continuous process, one that we can follow each and every day. From the moment we are born, we are learning – everything from how to get through the day to how to communicate our needs and feelings throughout the rest of our lives.

Our choices in life are inexorably linked to our willingness and ability to learn. When we don’t learn, we repeat our mistakes, often exactly, and are left wondering why that is. That’s when emotions like confusion, irritation, bitterness, regret, etc. can make a blind spot darker. Yes, it can be a painful process to commit to the learning we need to experience, though that’s often the space where the best learning happens! To get to that point of commitment, we usually have arrived at the acceptance that there’s something we don’t know, or not as well as we’d like.

That takes us, by default, into Stage 2 – “unconscious incompetence” – we don’t know what we don’t know. So, let’s go and learn it! Stages 2 and 3 are the magical zone. It’s where learning occurs. Our minds, heads, hearts, bodies, intellects, and even our very souls are in a state of positive alertness. Eagerness to learn, improve, correct, upskill, or grow can be a hugely inspirational state. And, when we do learn, the rewards can be immense, albeit they’re not always immediately felt, of course! It can take days, weeks, months, years, or even decades before the impact of our learning becomes clear. That’s where patience and practice come in.

It can also take us a very long time to step out of our funk and recognise the need to step back into the learning zone before we have opened ourselves up to the process itself. The invitation, therefore, is to be open to the possibility that you can add to your learning – at any time.

That willingness and, at times, sheer courage to face up to our errors, our choices that lead us to unexpected or uncomfortable outcomes, our decisions that don’t necessarily follow the considered pathway, is exactly what we need in order to be able to do something well.

It is this which determines our victory over what is often thought of as ‘failure’ – for, when we open ourselves up, the best bit about ‘failure’ is that it then doesn’t exist – only learning does.

Whether we’re talking about managing your relationship, building your career, creating your desired personality, or honing a skill you seek to acquire, the key is always, always, always being open to learning.

It is all too easy to forget that when placing a critical mirror up to ourselves, it’s entirely possible to also like what we see and who we have become.

Who around you can you trust to show you your blind spots, and help you to learn and grow? What learning process are you currently facing, perhaps avoiding, or feeling uncomfortable with? How will you perceive life differently if you open up entirely to the experience instead?